Baltimore/D.C., you’ve posed your challenge. And as a seasoned concert veteran, I accept.

Manchester: You think bunk drugs, sweaty hippies and putrid commodes is a challenge? – Pfft. 4 days of live entertainment on 100 acres? – Pfft. Fighting a sea of thousands just to get within 50 yards of the stage? Bonnarroo, I bite my thumb at you, Sir.

Try fourteen shows over the course of two weeks, all within the Baltimore/D.C. metro area. I pick the shows, spend the same amount of money (or less), and I sleep in my own bed at the end of the night. Some vitamin B, a tall glass of cold water and my soft, cozy Downy fabric-softner-scented sheets… mmmmm, air conditioning.

Although I have recruited an army of enthusiastic show soldiers, I fear I may witness a handful of my men fall at the mercy of the Gauntlet. We ride confidently into battle, merch allowance and beer money in hand, this Sunday at dusk. We’ve studied our opponents and are prepared for an onslaught of electronica, art rock, surf guitar, and Ukranian-gypsy-punk; Jazz fusion, 90’s rock Gods, southern sirens, and soulful Citizens.

For those only able to fight as the pocket, work schedule and/or spouse will allow it, I invite you to join us on the battlefront as you are able. Consider yourselves our reserves. Below is a detailed plan of our charted course:

Sunday, May 31
Santigold
Rams Head Live, Baltimore

Monday, June 01
Grizzly Bear
930 Club, D.C.

Tuesday, June 02
Cracker
Rams Head On Stage, Annapolis

Wednesday, June 03
Gregory Isaacs
Rams Head Live, Baltimore

Thursday, June 04
Gogol Bordello
Rams Head Live, Baltimore

Friday, June 05
Medeski, Martin & Wood
Rams Head Live, Baltimore

Saturday, June 6
X
Rams Head Live, Baltimore

Saturday, June 6
Keyshia Cole
Pier Six Pavilion, Baltimore… good thing the two venues are within walking distance of each other (sheesh).

Sunday, June 07
Citizen Cope
Rams Head Live, Baltimore

Monday, June 08
TV on the Radio
930 Club, D.C.

*Tuesday, June 09
NINJA (Nine Inch Nails, Jane’s Addiction)
Merriweather Post Pavilion, Columbia

Wednesday, June 10
The Subdudes
Rams Head On Stage, Annapolis

Thursday, June 11
Jenny Lewis
930 Club, D.C.

Friday, June 12
Band of Horses
Rams Head Live, Baltimore

Alas, the sun is high in the sky – With Santigold conquered, I must head back to camp where I’ll prepare my armour and rally the troops… meaning get home, put together a totally cute outfit, scarf down some cold pizza and pack the car full of homies.

We ride!

*course subject to change due to ginormous show at Rams Head Live that I am not at liberty to discuss… until this Wednesday… stay tuned to your Rams Head Live Rock Alerts.